Shane Life

On the heels of David Cook, the Kansas City area has another reality show star in position to win their own show on HGTV. Jennifer Bertrand of Olathe (represent!) solidified herself in the final of HGTV’s Design Star against Matt Locke of Colorado Springs.

For the past several weeks, Bertrand and Locke have competed in numerous interior design challenges on HGTV’s version of American Idol. Since the Food Network and HGTV are on constant rotation in our house, we’ve been keeping tabs on the hometown girl. Next Sunday, she’ll compete for her own show on HGTV.

Of all the contestants, I’m glad it’s come down to Bertrand and Locke. While I imagine the producers would have liked the “I want my mommy” guy to go a little further, I’m glad that the two I picked from the very beginning as my favorites are in the final. This way, even if the hometown girl doesn’t win (as I’m sure many of those who are jealous of other Kansas Citians’ success might hope for), I can be glad because the other guy is good too (whereas if David Archuleta would have beat David Cook on American Idol, I’d have been pretty annoyed).

In the same way that heavy voting from the Midwest helped David Cook emerge victorious on Idol, let’s help Jennifer Bertrand continue Kansas City’s dominance of reality show contests! At the very least, maybe this blog post will encourage her to come do some work in our house for free…

This crap has to stop now.

I know that there’s not a lot of fairness in Hollywood. Actors who were blessed with good genes are paid millions of dollars to read other people’s written words, directed by someone else (I’m over-simplifying here and in no way to I feel this way about all actors).

Anyway, the argument that the WGA (Writer’s Guild of America) is having with the AMPTP (Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers) basically boils down to 3 things:

1. Money for DVD residuals
2. Money for internet distribution
3. Money for reality TV and animation

The writers are asking for more money and the producers (who basically represent the studios and the networks) don’t want to give it. Now, I imagine that the writers are pretty justified in what they are asking for.

Just when I thought that scripted television was making a move on reality TV, this had to happen. It couldn’t happen at a worse time. Studios only need an excuse to run more Who Wants to Be Smarter than a Survivor Bachelor? There are certain reality TV shows I’ll watch, mostly Bravo TV shows and the occasional trivia contest and American Idol.

As popular as those shows are, I really wish that there were more good scripted TV shows. I was very pleased to discover The Big Bang Theory this year, but it was unfortunately one of the first ones affected by the strike.

Movie studios prepared for the strike by getting as many in the can as they could and then spacing out their releases. TV studios don’t have that luxury and we’ll start to see how horrible TV is without writers after the first of the year. The only consolation is that they’ve filmed a half-season of Lost so we’ll at least have one night to look forward to during the week.

The real losers here are two parties:

1. The low-level crew members like grips, lighting technicians, electricians and PAs. These folks are not a part of the striking union, but are killed because their shows and stuff have shut down production. Doesn’t seem real fair.
2. Discerning TV watchers. Most of America won’t care because we’ll gladly watch the mindless reality drivel that the networks will force-feed us, but there are some people who prefer scripted, thought out television with real (not manufactured, editing room) stories.

I hope the strike ends soon, but there is not a lot of hope for that right now. I’ve heard rumors that the networks have already written off pilot season and even are prepared to write off the fall. The last time the writers struck, it lasted 22 months. That’s when reality TV was born. I hope that we don’t debase ourselves even further.

I’m not sure where these reality shows manage to find the losers they put in front of the camera in between events. Jeff Probst’s previous gig before Survivor was Rock N Roll Jeopardy. Ryan Seacrest had a radio show in Los Angeles before American Idol. Chris Harrison hosted Designer’s Challenge on HGTV before The Bachelor. And these are all people who I would consider more qualified to host reality shows than Samantha Harris.

I’m not proud to admit that I watch Dancing with the Stars, but one thing I do is that I mute the TV whenever Samantha Harris is on the screen. Andy Denhart of reality blurred recently published an article on MSNBC giving several instances of Harris’ awfulness as a host.

Harris is just absolutely and completely lost half the time, constantly referring to her handy-dandy postcard to be saved from herself. Is it really that hard to ask interesting questions? I seriously don’t think she pays attention at all to the show and has a monkey behind the camera telling her what to say. Although a monkey might make more sense…

ABC, I beg of you to get rid of her from this show. Having Tom Bergeron’s cheesiness is plenty to stomach during the show. We really don’t need Samantha’s babbling on a show where the host’s other gig is America’s Funniest Home Videos and the top prize is a mirror ball trophy.

Alli and I were equally stunned when Sabrina the Cheetah Girl was sent home from Dancing with the Stars on Tuesday.

It just goes to show you that popularity is probably more important than talent. Not a good lesson for kids, but it’s really the main lesson that reality shows teach us. Taylor Hicks is a godawful American Idol, but he won because more people voted for him. There are countless examples of the Taylor Hicks Effect - reality show contestants who are prematurely voted off because the more rabid fans of those less talented are more likely to vote than the people like me who watch the shows, but don’t take the time to vote.

I’d much rather complain about the results than pick up my phone.

I wonder if it was a ploy by ABC to try and get more people to vote - someone suggested that online (perhaps Entertainment Weekly). I wouldn’t put it beneath them.

I hate being a Reality TV junkie.

I have a new reality TV obsession. I bow to thee, Top Chef, O King of Reality TV.

Here’s the deal. I never wanted to be THAT GUY. You know THAT GUY…he’s the one who watches all sorts of bad reality television and can’t help but spout off about it on a regular basis. But I am THAT GUY.

The truth is…the only mainstream reality that I watch is the new Season of The Apprentice. The rest of the reality TV that I watch resides on that station in the middle of the numbers called BRAVO. Owned by NBC, Bravo came to recognition originally with interesting shows like Inside the Actor’s Studio with James Lipton (brilliantly lampooned by Will Ferrell years back on SNL). Then came Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. That show was kind of the Tipping Point for the network, which followed it by Heidi Klum’s Project Runway (a show I can’t watch, but that Alli absolutely loves). As the Project Runway season came to a close, they began advertising a show “from the producers of Project Runway” called Top Chef.

Now, I LIKE cooking shows…I don’t love them, but I like them enough to sit and watch Boy Meets Grill with Bobby Flay in about 3 hour blocks if they are running a marathon of shows and there is nothing else on. But Top Chef intrigued me.

Then, Bravo embraced the awesomeness that is the iTunes Music Store and offered the Pilot episode for download through their video store. I thought that was a brilliant move on their part (one that NBC subsequently copied with its show Conviction, a show I downloaded, but never watched). I downloaded the initial episode and I was totally hooked.

What makes Top Chef so completely genius is what makes reality television so popular. THE CHARACTERS. Depsite the fact that they are “real people”, they aren’t exactly what one would call “normal”. There are some of the largest egos and biggest train wrecks ever on that show and I love it for that.

And it is a really interesting show, too. There are some extremely talented (albeit very eccentric) chefs on the show and I have already found myself rooting for my favorite (Harold) and rooting against the “villain” (Steven). It’s just really compelling television.

As much as I hate to admit it.

I have become THAT GUY.

You know, the guy who watches every reality TV show on the planet? This summer has unearthed a newfound obsession of mine…REALITY TELEVISION.

I resisted. For a long time, I really did. But when they make shows that are this compelling, you can’t do anything to tear your eyes away from the TV.

Here’s a little review of the shows that have caught my fancy this summer:

HOGAN KNOWS BEST
“WHAT’RE YOU GONNA DO WHEN HOGAN KNOWS BEST RUNS WILD ON YOU?” I really am ashamed to admit this. I truly did not want to like this show. It is simultaneously terrible and completely amazing. It stars Terry “Hulk” Hogan and the rest of his family (wife, son and daughter) and basically is about their life. Much of it lately is centering around his daughter Brooke and her striving to get a record deal. Hulk manages her through it with surprising grace and intelligence. Who knew? And he cares immensely for his family, which is very cool. It’s pretty much a rehash of The Osbournes, but with people that I think are way more interesting.

BEING BOBBY BROWN
I was against this show from the start. That is until I was exposed to the CRAZY. The CRAZY is Whitney Houston who steals the show completely. Their relationship is both volatile and sweet and is some great television. I don’t really set down to watch this show, but if it is on, I end up watching it.

Keeping with the same channel…

BLOW OUT
One of my friends told me that he was watching this show and I made fun of him. Well, consider this my public apology because this show is great. Jonathan Antin is one of the most explosive TV stars on TV since that dude Chris from the Apprentice. The people around him are hilarious and I just find the whole show pretty comical, but also extremely watchable. Now that Season Two is over, it will be interesting to see if it comes back. Maybe not, but with Jonathan, anything is possible and as big of an egomaniac as he is, I wouldn’t be surprised…that guy loves himself an awful lot. Probably, Blow Out: The Baby is Born…

Also on Bravo is…

KATHY GRIFFIN: MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST
I have always thought that while Kathy Griffin was maybe one of the most annoying “pseudo-celebrities”, she was also, BY FAR, one of the funniest. She had an HBO special a long time ago that I watched on a New Year’s Eve that made me laugh harder than I had ever laughed in my life. I don’t particularly like it when she is hosting stuff like Celebrity Mole or The Surreal Life (which, BTW, I can’t stand), but when she is just being herself or ripping on celebrities, I am totally there. She is a riot and I like her show so far (one episode).

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE
I actually get a pass on this one because my wife has always been a dancer. She was captain of her drill team in both high school and college and even danced professionally for a basketball team after we got married. It’s American Idol for dancers, but without Randy Jackson saying crap like, “It was a little pitchy.” I can’t stand that crap.

THE REAL WORLD: AUSTIN
I was totally over The Real World. I thought that after The Real World: Chicago, the show totally jumped the shark. It just got to be a big party with the pretty people. It was totally formulaic and you could predict the type of people that would be on every show. The straw that broke the camel’s back was The Real World: Las Vegas. It was so disappointing that NOTHING REALLY HAPPENED when they were there. Just lots and lots of inter-roommate “relations” and your typical boring crap. HOWEVER, in my opinion, I don’t think enough people give credit to The Real World for starting the whole “reality television” craze. When that show came out, it was huge and it still is. The reason is that they manufactured better drama than they can on normal TV shows because they make it look “real”. I mean, it is “The Real World” for goodness sake…it MUST be real. This season has finally delivered with some serious drama. Plus, there’s a dude from my hometown on it (albeit, he is the toolish Wes). The whole “Danny almost loses his vision” thing was CRAZY. I loved it. Brought me back to the show that I haven’t watched since they went to Paris.

However, I don’t usually catch it during its normal time because unfortunately, it conflicts with what is by far my favorite (and least embarrassing) show…

MIAMI INK
This is a legitimately interesting show. Premise: a guy owns and operates a Miami tattoo parlor with 4 of his closest friends. I don’t know where these guys are in the KC tattoo parlors, but they are way more interesting (and surprisingly normal) than most folks I’ve seen. I have a new tattoo in mind and I want to go have it done by Chris Nuñez because I think he is the coolest out of the bunch. While the owner of the store, Ami, is a bit of a head case, I like the rest of the guys on the show and the stories of the people that come in to get tattoos are very interesting.

So that’s all of them (I think). Pretty sad, isn’t it. And that doesn’t even include the home improvement shows that we watch, but we’ll save that for another discussion…they don’t really count.