Shane Life

Love Monkey: A Novel
By Kyle Smith
RATING: 3 out of 10

I mentioned it before, so it should be no surprise when I say that this is my least favorite book that I’ve read in the past year and a half.

I had high hopes for the book. It was dubbed as the male version of chick lit, and I have read a few chick lit books, specifically the Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella. I liked them and I was looking for something else since Nick Hornby’s last couple outings haven’t been all that great and I needed something light to read.

Perhaps it was my adoration for the TV show of the same name starring Tom Cavanaugh (of Ed fame), but I had some high hopes.

Boy was I wrong.

In Love Monkey, we find Tom Farrell, a copywriter at Tabloid, a New York - wait for it - tabloid newspaper. He’s a miserable case, which many of us can relate to…unlucky at work, unlucky in looks, unlucky in love, etc. He spends 80% of the book pining for a girl named Julia, who he meets and woos while she has a boyfriend from back home.

She’s very obviously unhappy in the relationship and he encourages that unhappiness by taking her fancy places and being witty (at least he thinks so). Along the way, she never really shows a lot of interest in him past friendship. He is, afterall, about 10 years older than her, and not very cool, despite his attempts at coolness.

Even despite this unrequited love that he claims overtakes him completely, he manages to date 3 other women at the same time, treating each of them with disdain and meanness…perhaps one of the most clueless men in the history of dating.

The book is based in Manhattan and when 9/11 happens, I was expecting a poignant turn. Not so. The main character really just brags about where he was when it happened and uses the story as a way to get laid, further cementing his place as the most unlikable main character I’ve read about in the last 2 years of reading.

The story comes to an abrupt end and you’re left thinking, “Is that all?” But wait…there’s more. A full 15 pages of information on the author, who like his literary likeness, Tom, can’t seem to stop talking about himself. Could have done without that.

Overall, I pretty much loathed this book. It was poorly written, it mixed metaphors, and the fact that it was turned into a failed (but likable) TV show is confusing, considering that it had absolutely nothing in common with the show except the characters names and the title.

Worst book I’ve read in several years. DO NOT READ THIS BOOK.

I’ve really been lacking in the book category this year. I haven’t been particularly inspired to read anything in particular (although I scanned through The Brand Gap and I’m about 2/3 of the way through The 22 Immutable Laws of Marketing.

For my first attempt this year, I wanted to read Love Monkey by Kyle Smith, the book on which the failed TV show (which I loved) was based.

I have not finished the book yet because I want to punch the main character in the face. There are characters you are supposed to dislike. And then there are characters that are supposed to be liked, but fail miserably because they are complete wanks.

Maybe I was a little too hopeful. I loved the show and thought it was a traveshamockery that it got cancelled. Tom Cavanaugh (of Ed fame) was brilliant on it and the casting was really great. After reading the book, I realized that they only took the characters and then a much better writer than Smith actually made them likable. Because the book namesakes are downright loathsome.

Not only that, but the main character doesn’t work at a cool record company, but at a tabloid (Smith works for the New York Post). You’d think it might make him that much more interesting, but it just makes him even more unlikeable.

Now I’d like to say that I’m not biased, but after I read about the crack that he laid on my boy Kevin Smith (see here near the bottom of the page), I lost a lot of respect for him. And then, after reading some of the reviews that Silent Bob came up with about Love Monkey’s original release on his site…stuff like:

“(Kyle) Smith has clearly taken lessons from a few successful writers of chick lit, but his boy version of Bridget Jones lacks the key ingredient: a sympathetic protagonist.” - Publisher’s Weekly

“In his first novel, Smith, the book and music review editor of People magazine, tries too hard to be clever (like Tom himself), piling witticism upon witticism and referencing numerous “in” people, places, and events. Consequently, the book seems facile rather than meaningful, at least to this reviewer, who is neither male nor thirtysomething nor a New Yorker. Libraries looking for lad lit to satisfy this demographic should purchase. Others can safely pass.” - Library Journal

“The monologues are nothing a smarter-than-average Maxim reader wouldn’t come up with” Kirkus Reviews

So anyway, maybe I’m a little biased because when you go after Kevin Smith, you offend me a little bit, but these reviews were more than telling. I’m not even sure if I want to finish it. It’s stalling me from getting to any other books, and now February is over and I’ve read ZERO books this year. That’s poor. Last year at this time, I’d read TEN.

So sad.

Kyle Smith, it’s all your fault.